Bruh, Do You Even Lift?

Or nah?

Cuz, Bae--just being real wit you-- my game has not been on fleek these days.

Ok, I'll stop, but have you read this? Too funny.

Anyways, I've been feeling burnt out this week. Now that I'm feeling better I've been slowly trying to catch up on house cleaning and my social life. I even started cooking last week!

It was fun, but then I burnt out. It's all more than I can keep up with. I had a revelation about it this morning. Actually, I inspired myself when I revisited this old post of mine. I hope you guys didn't think I blog for you. I blog because I'm forgetful and I have to remind myself!!

I burnt out because I started backwards.

Doh.

When I felt better I started picking everything back up but my time with God. I told you in my last post that I had been depressed and had trouble picking up my Bible. Well, today I picked it back up.

I let the laundry sit unfolded on the couch. I let emails and texts wait a minute. I let the children run around wild (as usual). I sat down and spent half an hour praying through my Bible.

I took a minute to lift my soul to God before I lifted my hands to work.

You see, that hunger for God that comes naturally in difficult times must be maintained by discipline in the good times. Trials reveal how weak we really are and how desperately we need Jesus. Once the good times return, I'm quick to bury my need underneath a cover of productivity and business. I don't want to stay exposed and vulnerable, but I must if I want to be changed. I must if I want to see God and become more like Him.

Today, I started over. I don't need a clean house or a full plate, but I need God.

I wasn't sure where to start, but I ended up in Psalm 119 and, of course, it spoke right to my soul. It was all about having a hunger for God's word. It was about seeking God's face in the night and the day. It was about God using a time of affliction to teach a man to seek Him.

If you've been neglecting your soul too, will you start over with me today?

or nah? ;)


"How can a young person stay on the path of purity? 
By living according to Your word. I seek You with all my heart (9-10a). 

Turn my heart toward Your statutes and not toward selfish gain. Turn my eyes away from worthless things (36 and 37a).  

The earth is filled with Your love, Lord (64a). 

You are good and what You do is good (68a).

 It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn Your decrees (71). I know, Lord, that Your laws are righteous, and that in faithfulness You have afflicted me. May Your unfailing love be my comfort, according to Your promise to Your servant. (75-76)

 The unfolding of Your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple (130). I rise before dawn and cry for help...My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on Your promises 147-148) 

I have strayed like a lost sheep. Seek Your servant, for I have not forgotten Your commands (175). " Psalm 119 NIV

Surviving Nausea and Vomiting in Pregnancy (And Ginger is NOT on theList!)

You guys, I am feeling better!! I know it sounds completely normal for me to say that in the second trimester, but it is NOT normal for me. It is a miracle for me. I was ill for all 9 months of my three previous pregnancies. Many people prayed for me and God answered our prayers. I am not back to normal yet, but if I take my Unisom and B6 consistently, rest enough, and eat a little every hour then I can keep all my meals down most days. I am so thankful to be out of bed and taking care of my family again.

While the season of sickness is still fresh on my mind, I want to write down what I would share with someone else going through it. I say Nausea and Vomiting in Pregnancy instead of morning sickness because it was relentless morning, noon, and night. My first pregnancy I had hyperemesis gravidarum, but thankfully these last three have been something more in between that and "normal" NVP. I managed to stay out of the hospital, but keeping any food down and getting out of bed was a challenge. My advice is for coping with nausea and vomiting, not curing it, because nothing except patience and prayer cured me.  I feel like an expert on this whole puking business by now so here you go from a four time NVP survivor:

1. Learn to Smile and Nod
You will soon realize that everyone around you is full of tips and strange things you should try that will "cure" you. Don't sweat it. Just think of it as practice. Now that you are a parent, complete strangers in the grocery store will feel free to give you their advice and opinions all the time. You may as well get used to it now and learn to smile, nod, and move on. Ginger, peppermint, small meals, crackers, sea bands, preggie pops, more protein, more magnesium, vitamin B6, Zofran, Phenergan, Diclegis--I've tried it all!! The majority of people offer advice because they really want to help you. Remember the good intentions. Smile and nod and don't be afraid to try some of those crazy suggestions because you never know when they might work. I gave Unisom a shot this time and--what do you know--it really helped. The friend who told me that nonalcoholic beer with a squeeze of lime is way better than ginger ale--she was right on.

 

Check with your doctor to make sure it's safe and then give it a whirl. When you do find those rare gems who offer help as readily as they offer advice, hold on to them and never let them go!

*Note: If you are suffering from hyperemesis gravidarum, you are exempt from this tip and I give you permission--right after you go puke again--to word slap anyone who mentions the word ginger to you.


2. Throw Out That Guilt
You cannot expect yourself to do what you used to do. You are sick and you need to extend yourself some grace. I will just be honest with you about where I was and hope that will free you up to be honest with yourself.

My bathroom looked like horror movie meets country gas station toilet--gross, gross, gross. I was not able to clean it, only stick my face in it over and over again. Did I mention I have three little boys?! That is an instant recipe for a nasty bathroom. When my mother in law saw it she--like the angel she is-- threw on some gloves and cleaned it for me while I lay in bed. I know it's hard, but let people help you!! I could have cried happy tears the next time I put my face in that toilet and it was clean again!

I didn't cook.  I didn't step foot in a grocery store. I couldn't go to church and turned down any social events outside of family gatherings.

I stopped homeschooling and put my son in a private Kindergarten program. On more difficult mornings I sent him into school with bed hair and shorts that were way too short because I hadn't run his laundry. This is not the time to be Pinterest Super Mom!!

Let's not even talk about keeping down prenatal vitamins.

The most difficult times were those when I felt like I was letting down my husband or my children. It's awful to feel like you are disappointing people that you love dearly. Whether or not their disappointment is directed at you, it is not your fault. It is the fault of illness. Just as you will all share in the joy of a new baby, you must all share in the difficulty of the pregnancy. Just as you must learn to cope with your new normal, the rest of the family must learn to cope with your new normal. It's a journey and you have to forgive each other and yourself!!

3. Find Your Way to Gratitude
You are expecting a beautiful little bundle of squishy baby joy in a few months. That alone is reason to be grateful, but--hey--I get it. That is months away and TODAY you feel miserable. You need something to look forward to today. Find the little things that are beautiful today and hold on to them tightly. You may have to find something new to love while the old things (i.e. eating, cooking, and anything involving physical activity) you enjoyed are not enjoyable at the moment.

I have a tradition of having an Anne marathon in the first trimester. In the past I watched Anne of Green Gables and the sequels, but this time I listened to all the books on audiotape. It's a time splurge for me and helps me get my mind from "I feel awful," to "I love this part!!" .  If you have small children like I do then you can listen to an audiobook while you keep an eye on them. Most classics are free online in audiobook format.

I also watched too many stupid, funny videos floating around the internet. Sometimes you just need to laugh!

4. Stay Lit

The physical difficulty of the last couple months combined with all those crazy pregnancy hormones brought me into an emotionally dark place.  Some days I felt like hopelessness was trying to wrap around me like a blanket and smother me right out. God has never been so quiet in trials as He was this time.  When I was quiet the negative feelings were so loud that it was difficult to hear Him. I could hardly pray or open my Bible, but I think that I was seeking God in the most real way. I was in the place where religion falls aside and you find out who you really are and who God really is to you.

There were two words that my spirit kept hearing in whispers. The first was, "The joy of the Lord is your strength." It kept striking me that God is joyful. If I could see past the clouds of depression then God's face would be there and it would be a happy, laughing face. I knew if I could just see that face, then I would be joyful too. I was desperate to see it.  Tears were streaming down my face one night as I told Brandon how much it hurt to need to see God's face and not see it. The night may be long, my friends, but joy comes in the morning and he who seeks will find.

The other word that I heard was this: The only thing that a candle needs to do when it is surrounded by the darkest night is stay lit.
Let your heart stay in the fire of God's love. He loves you when you're sick. He loves you when you don't meet other people's expectations. He loves you when you don't meet your own expectations. He loves you when you are depressed.  The depth of your weakness is no match for the depth of His strength.  When the night is too long and you don't see the morning coming, just stay right where you are and persevere. Stay in the love of God. Stay in the place of sacrifice--loving and serving your family. Keep doing the right thing even if it makes your life feel all wrong and dark for a time. Stay lit until the sun rises.

The sun rises and the day is beautiful

.

New Baby, New Van, New School

We're having a baby!!!!!

Everyone's reaction to this has been a mischevious smile and, "You're having a girl this time!"

I don't know, friends. I've got a pretty good track record with boys, you know. ;)

I'm 10 weeks along. I was very fearful of the morning sickness that might come with this pregnancy. I had HG with my first pregnancy, but Zofran helped me a lot. With my second and third pregnancies I would have had constant nausea and daily vomiting for the entire 9 months, but again, Zofran helped me. Since Joseph's birth, a controversial study has surfaced linking high doses of Zofran to birth defects. Joseph was born with a heart defect and Caleb was born with a herniated diaphragm so this new study left Brandon and I wary of using Zofran during pregnancy. 

We and all our prayer crew prayed for no morning sickness this time. Nonetheless, the constant nausea and vomiting started at 6 weeks. The morning sickness began the same week we started our first week of homeschooling. 

The schoolwork was a welcome distraction, but it was hitting Kai hard that our lives had to slow down drastically for me. He loves to be with people and loves to be challenged. I am normally like that also, but the morning sickness made me want to hide in bed all day. Kai began acting out and it was making life difficult for all of us. After 2 weeks of that, I could not handle it anymore. Public school was not an option for us because when we prayed about it Brandon had a dream that it was not good for our boys right now. I wanted to put him in a private school, but I did not have a vehicle to drive him to school in. Our old van had finally bit the dust earlier that year and we were sharing Brandon's corolla. Whenever we had prayed about our finances, God told us to give instead of save for a car, so we did.

I prayed, "God, I need help. I think Kai needs to go to school, but I need a car to get him there. Will you please give me a car by the end of the night?" You have not because you ask not, right?

Nothing happened that night, but the next day some dear family members, who had no idea I wanted a second vehicle to drive Kai to school, called and told us they wanted to give us their van. It's practically brand new and the nicest vehicle I've ever owned. I'm still in shock that it was just given to us like that.

I called the little church school that I wanted to enroll Kai in. They had one kindergarten spot left. Their open house was that night and school started the following week. Perfect. 

Kai has been loving it and so have I!

Meanwhile, my morning sickness has improved slightly. This is a miracle for me! In my other pregnancies it was constant for all 9 months. I still have a long ways to go, but I am hopeful and we are surviving. 

Brandon has been superman. When he gets home from work, I hand over the kids and go to bed. He makes dinner, puts the kids to bed, and cleans up. On the weekends, he takes over completely while I try to rest, keep some food down, and emotionally prepare to take on another week with the kids. Say a prayer for him. He's carrying everything right now. The way he loves me at my worst has been a constant reminder to me of the way God loves me and the way I can depend on Him. 

Dependence has been my word this season. As we've asked God what to do with our life--like our fertility, finances, and children's education-- He led us in way over our head. Sometimes it's been incredibly difficult. Sometimes it's been really confusing. I don't know why some prayers, like the prayer for the van, are answered so easily, while others, like healing for morning sickness, are such a battle for breakthrough. God never fits in the little theology box I want Him in. He is always full of surprises. Along the way, I think we are beginning to know more and more that we can trust God's love. Dependence is a journey into deep love and gratitude when you lean on someone Faithful. 

The Jammie Jog: How Exercising with My Children Made Our Whole Summer Better

I have to balance out my previous post about brownies with some inspiration to get you and your kiddos on the move!

Our family has been around the block trying to fit exercise into our lives. I used to think that discipline was about finding a routine that works for you and sticking with it no matter what. Now I know that it's more about being willing to change your routine over and over again to keep your priorities in front of you no matter what your season of life looks like. 

Physical fitness is not our top priority, but we realize that we need our bodies to be strong and healthy if we want to accomplish the things that are most important to us. For this season, our goal is not a six pack or winning races, but to maintain a healthy weight and have energy for work, parenting, and fun. 

When Kai was a baby, Brandon was in law school and he biked a couple miles to classes and back daily and would supplement with some weight lifting when he was able. I threw in a few workouts at home when Kai was napping or in bed in the evening. 

When Caleb joined the crew, we joined the YMCA and tried for 6 months to put our children in their wonderful childcare room while we worked out together. Every. single. time. for 6 months, Caleb would cry past the 10 minute mark and they would call us. At least we got in a 10 minute jog each time!! We finally gave up that plan. If my children would stay in the childcare, I would go that route again in a heartbeat. Our Y even had a quiet little prayer room so I could have worked out and had quiet time to pray while my children played happily with new friends. Except, they didn't. Oh well.

After Joe was born, I spent a season running and exercising at night after the boys went to bed. I enjoyed that, but it wasn't the safest option. When Joe went through a short phase of waking up at 6:00 every morning, an hour earlier than his brothers, I put him in the stroller and ran with him in the morning.

Brandon started biking to work once a week. It's a good 30 miles. He also run-mows the grass Saturday morning and does a body weight workout after. Sometimes he plays soccer with friends Sunday afternoon before church. He had his routine down, but I was starting to need something different.

Joe was a poor sleeper so over the winter I started to run out of steam and I was too tired to stay up late or get up early to work out. I needed all the sleep I could get. 

That's when our newest plan came into being....

The Jammie Jog!!!!!

I was waking up tired and foggy and my children were waking up exploding with energy. I needed help waking up and they needed help getting all that energy out ASAP.

I asked around and got a double stroller from a friend (Thanks, Joanne!!). Three mornings a week, we wake up, eat a small breakfast, change dirty diapers, and run out the door. We don't brush our teeth. We stay in our jammies. We just get out that door as fast as we can before someone has a fit, another dirty diaper, or a potty training accident.

Kai rides his bike or scooter. Caleb rides in the stroller for the first 1/2 mile loop and for the second loop he rides his Mini Micro. It's a three wheeled scooter, but I love it because it goes so much faster than a traditional scooter and doesn't tip like most three wheeled scooters.

The first time we did it, the boys complained that they were tired after a quarter mile. I told them, "When you're tired and you keep going, that's how you get faster and stronger!" Now, at the end of summer, they are way ahead of me calling back, "Mom! Go faster or we are going to beat you!!"

At the entrance to our neighborhood, there is a little patch with blackberries and honeysuckle. When they were in season we always ended our jog there for a snack.

It's not perfect, we have to stop a lot for little distractions, but we are all getting faster and stronger together. When we get back, we are all awake, happy and ready to proceed with the rest of our day. I've noticed we are all in a better mood and the whole day is smoother on our Jammie Jog days. 

This is working really well for us in this season. What about you? How do you fit exercise into your life these days? 

Fudgy, Chewy, Intensely Chocolate Homemade Brownies

My friends, this is THE brownie recipe. I have spent the last 6 years of my married life trying different brownie recipes on the hunt for that mouthful of chocolate perfection. Let me tell you, it has been a long, difficult journey eating one pan of brownies after another. I took all the calories just for you so that today I could bring you this:

These dance perfectly between the line of chewy and fudgy. They have that delectable crackly, crunchy top. They pack some heavyweight amounts chocolate. Seriously, do not even attempt making them without a big glass of milk or scoop of ice cream around. You have been warned. They have all that homemade taste and goodness and none of the "What is that ingredient???" chemicals you find in the boxed mixes. Last, but not least, they can be made with ingredients that you have on hand. No chocolate chips or special ingredients needed. These brownies are there for you when you need them.

Are you ready for the recipe??

Fudgy, Chewy, Intensely Chocolate Homemade Brownies
(Adapted from this recipe from Smitten Kitchen and these brownie tips from The Kitchn)

1 stick of butter, melted
1 1/4 cups of sugar
1 cup of cocoa powder
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
2 large eggs

1/2 cup all purpose flour
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking powder

Preheat oven to 325F. Grease an 8x8 pan or cast iron skillet. Combine the first 5 ingredients. Pull out your mixer and mix these for a good 5-10 minutes. This part is important if you want that crackly top! The crunchy top is actually meringue that forms from beating the sugar and eggs together. Five minutes should do it, but I usually do a couple more minutes for good measure.

This is me hiding in my bathroom mixing brownie batter so that the noise from the mixer doesn't wake Joe up from his nap. Desperate times call for desperate measures--and brownies. When he did wake up, he was well rewarded.

After you have mixed the first 5 ingredents, add the flour, salt, and baking powder. Stir just to combine. Pour the batter into your pan. It will be a bit thick. Bake for 20-30 minutes--less time for a fudgier brownies, more time for a more chewy bite.

Enjoy!!

Eclectic Art Gallery

Some women want massages and jewelry. I want to look at beautiful art. But, if I could have a massage while looking at beautiful art, we would have a serious win.

 I'd like to introduce you to the artist who created the star of my new little art gallery. I met Sarah in college through my husband's family. She's confidant, kind, and always wearing a smile. (Sorry, guys, I hear she's taken.) I lost touch with her over the years, but when she started posting photos on fb of her art, I was drooling all over my keyboard.


Sweet scenery with a touch of country flare. Bright blues and green. Mischievous little birds on coffee dyed paper.

I batted my eyes, "God, I know art is not in our budget at the moment, but if it were, then I would buy one of those beauties in a flash."

Wouldn't you know, right after that, she sent word that she was wanting to give away some paintings to spread word about her art and get some feedback on her etsy shop.

I was all over that like a freshly-bathed toddler in a bowl of spaghetti!! (Yeah....a mom simile. Sorry, it's all I got these days).

When she asked, I told her that my favorite scene is freshly rolled hay fields in the country because they remind me of my wedding. I was married in the North Georgia mountains in the middle of a hay field. They were rolling the hay during our rehearsal dinner!

I thought I couldn't like anything more than the pieces she already had on her etsy shop, but when created this for me my jaw dropped!

Not only was it gorgeous, but it turned out to be just the thing I needed to bring together the hodge podge of photo frames I had been saving for an art gallery in the living room.

My mother-in-law helped me arrange them. We traced the frames on builder's paper, arranged the cut-outs on the wall, and then hammered in the nails once we had an arrangement we liked.

Whenever I look at it I just smile and remember the day I married my love. Someone come give me a massage while I look at it. ;) Then check out Sarah's etsy shop, SEA Original Designs, and drool with me. There's some gorgeous, handmade jewelry there now too. Support an artist and spread the word. And never be afraid to bat your eyes and ask your Daddy to spoil you a little ;) He loves to make you smile.

Letter to a First-Time Mother

You sway when you walk, your precious body heavy with the weight of the unknown and yet unseen--a maternity shirt and stretched skin cloaking the face of our next generation. 

I smile and wonder what I want to tell you. I remember what I wanted to hear then, when I was pregnant with my first. I wanted to hear that I looked beautiful--and you do. I wanted to hear that motherhood was wonderful--and it is.  I wanted someone to tell me what to do in labor and what to do with a baby--and you will find out.

But the fire-words I really want to tell you linger, burning in my chest, because how do you transition from small talk to a wail for the future of a people?

How do I tell you that ahead of you lie two roads?

There will be a child in your arms soon and you will pull him close and carry him into your every day life. He is born knowing how to cry, but he will watch your face and from you he will learn how to smile and how to laugh. As you carry him, he will learn his normal from you and then he will carry that normal into the world and make it the norm for decades to come. 

How do I tell you that there are two ways to be a mother? 

You can carry your baby and carry on with your life as your own and do what is easy and what gets you through, or you can lay down your life in love for that child and find out for yourself if resurrections are true. 

Motherhood is an invitation to living the Gospel that God lived for you. It is an invitation to lay aside all of your potential for the reality of loving another person.

Motherhood is an invitation to change the status quo--an invitation to shoot arrows into tomorrow that can pierce through the prejudice, poverty, and injustice that is today.

It sounds beautiful, but what it can feel like is dying. It sounds powerful, but what it will often look like is hard-work and monotony. In the difficult days, you cannot forget what you are doing and why it matters.

Who you are to this child for the next 5 years can determine who they are to the world for the next 60+ years. 

"Experts agree that as much as 85% of a child's character is developed by age five, and the way a child is raised in the early years accounts for at least 20 points of his IQ" ("A Call to Mothers," Jean Fleming).

Five years.

How will you spend those years?

You will change diapers, change your sleep habits, spoon baby food, and cheer for first steps. 

In between all of that you will get to make choices about who you are as a person and a mother-- about your attitude, your time, your money, and your passion. What you choose will be passed to your child, to a community, to a people.

What do you want to pass on? What legacy will you leave?

You can pass the time away or you can pass on a passion for making the name of God great in the earth. 

Our society is plagued with passivity where we stare at screens while the minutes tick by instead of becoming agents of change in our homes and in the world. What will your baby watch you do? Oh that we would abandon mediocre entertainment to enter into the presence of the eternal One. Would you choose to turn off the social media to become a mediator for a broken world? 

If you fall asleep every night to the sound of the TV blaring, fall asleep to the sound of violence, of drama, of lust and greed, what do you think will grow in your child's mind and bloom in their teens but violence and a flare for the dramatic? 

What if instead they were tucked in soundly to the song of a mother worshipping, to the spoken stories of God rescuing His people, to the sound of prayers shaking shackles off of prisoners? If you sow seeds of faith in your family, you will reap miracles in your children. 

What if you started early encouraging lifelong healthy habits for your child? If you don't teach them to value and take care of their body, who will? If you don't teach them how to value and take care of their soul, who will? 

If you don't teach them how to handle their anger, who will? If you don't teach them the value of speaking the truth, who will? If you don't give them boundaries and consistent discipline when they are young, who will?

If you want your child to offer something to the world, you must teach them that they have something to offer and that they will have to work hard to give it.

You may have to learn new habits, learn about disciplining and parenting, learn how to cope with your own failings. You cannot do it alone, but you can seek out a community of people that will help you. You can sleep in Sunday morning or you can show up at the church's door and find mothers who will mentor you and friends who encourage you. It will take time to make friends and sometimes you have to search many places before you find the place where you fit, but nothing worth doing is ever easy.

You, beautiful mother, are carrying a seed of hope in your body. You are carrying a gift you could offer to the Lord--what will you do with it?