10 Ways Finding a Church is Just Like Going on a Blind Date

As much as we love the church we've been at the last couple years, we've been visiting some churches closer to home because, honestly, just leaving the driveway with 3 kids feels like trying to climb Mt. Everest at 8 am on our "day of rest".  I love seeing what churches in our local community are all about, but I also feel like I've flashed back to college all over again and I'm on the search for "the one".....

1. Your Friends Set You Up

You have that one friend who is in a great relationship and wants you to be as happy as they are so they won't stop pestering you. They know someone just perfect for you. Don't you want to give it a shot? You never know. Maybe you'll fall in love. Come on. We'd love to see you there Sunday morning!

2. You Check Them Out Online Before The Big Day

It's the age of social media. No blind date is really blind. You are definitely going to check this church out online first. Scroll through the profile. What do they look like? What have they been up to?  Are they tweeting anything interesting? Do they even use social media or are they stuck in the dark ages? If you're lucky, you may even be able to watch a sermon online for a real sneak peak.

3. You Both Put Your Best Foot Forward

The big day arrives. You tear through your closet trying to find something appropriate to wear. Something dressy, but not too dressy. You don't want to look too eager. You also don't want to be too casual and have them looking down on you. Good grief. Just put something on. Either they'll like you the way you are or they're not worth it. When you arrive, you realize with a sigh of relief that everyone walking into the building is wearing something different. You see suits, dresses, jeans, and T-shirts. Apparently no one else knows what's appropriate to wear to church these days either.  The one thing in common that everyone is wearing is a big, cheesy smile as they nod at each other. You throw on your smile and walk in. The ushers greet you, "Good Morning! Glad to Have You!" as they hand you the program. Shake hands. Take the flier. Let the date begin!

5. After the Small Talk, The Truth Comes Out

You shook hands. You've taken a seat. Now it's time to really get to know each other. Do you like the same music? Do they dance, shuffle a bit, or just sway when  their song comes on? After worship, the pastor starts to really put himself out there. Is he passionate or easy going?  Do you share the same vision and convictions? Do his words make your heart pound in your chest or are you trying not to yawn?

6. Is He a Good Kisser?

When heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss, will there be tongues involved? You know....tongues, prophetic words, or anybody falling on the floor from the weight of glory??

6. Will there be a Second Date?

'Cause they've got a blank space, baby. Please write your name. No, really, please write your name in that blank space on the Visitor's Card. They want to call you. They want to send you a postcard. They really want to see you again. Next week. Same time. Same place.

7. If You Have Children Already...

It's top priority for you that your children like the church. If this place makes babies cry then this is probably not going to work out.

8. You Don't Want To Overcommit

Things are going well. You've seen each other a couple of times and you've really hit it off. All of a sudden, they're wanting you to be more involved. Do you want to get together another night this week to pray? Do you mind watching the kids at the evening service--just once a month? Can they move into your place? The small group needs somewhere to meet. You just aren't sure if you're ready for that level of commitment yet.

9. The Breakup Could Be Awkward

You're having a great time, but what if you run into some differences that can't be remedied? Perhaps you drink and they don't believe in that. Perhaps the miles between you are just too many. Perhaps you disagree on what year the world will end. Whatever the reason, how do you tell them so? Do you stand them up, friend zone them, or let them down gently?

10. But Maybe You'll Fall in Love

It's a risk. You might be wasting your time or you might have just made the best decision of your life.  You might fall in love and begin a life changing relationship that will last for years. You might just find the place where you belong. I've never met a "perfect" church, but every church I've been a part of has changed my life for the better and given me an opportunity to serve others. I can tell you when it's over that the high is worth the pain. Gahh, Taylor Swift, why can't I get you of my head?! Anyway, it's worth it--every bit worth it. 

Three Reasons Pregnant Women Should Really Be Able To Drink More Alchohol

Let me set the stage for you.

It's the week before Christmas. My 20 month old, Joe, has been sick all week with fever, cough, congestion, and all that jazz. 'Tis the season. It's alright. I know the drill. I give the sick baby all my attention for a couple of days while two tornadoes named Kai and Caleb tear through the house. The baby gets better, the tornado wreckage eventually gets cleaned up, and life goes back to normal.

On Friday Joe was starting to feel better and I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. Caleb was a little off. He woke up early with a clump of tape stuck to his hair. How?? I have no idea. At 7 am he showed up in my room in hysterics with tape in his hair and screaming something about a booger stuck in his nose.

Nonetheless, the day went on pretty well with Joe feeling better. At 4:30 we started cleaning up toys so that the house would look somewhat orderly when Daddy got home. Caleb was tired and had a couple of fits during our cleanup time. About halfway through cleaning he announced, "I have to go poopy!!" and shot out of the room. A minute later he waddled out of the bathroom with a dirty bottom, his pants at his ankles, crying and mumbling about something. As I bent down to figure out what the problem was, Joe totted stealthily past me to the bathroom that Caleb just exited. I figured out that Caleb could not get his shoe off and that is, apparently, a prerequisite to wiping your bottom. Before I could help with the shoe I heard that too-familiar splash and realized Joe was playing in the dirty potty water. I rushed in, picked up the wet toddler, set him in the bathtub, and turned around to see Caleb just about to sit his dirty bottom down on the carpet.

It was like a slow-motion movie moment. Can you hear me shouting "NooOOooooo!" in that deep, drawn-out voice?! I forgot I was 6 months pregnant and dived towards Caleb. I scooped him up just before that bottom hit the carpet.

I felt a too-warm little gush. I'm 6 months pregnant with my fourth child. I just lifted my three year   old and his weight caused me to wet my pants.

I almost kicked in the bathroom cabinet in frustration and checked myself just in time.

You know that moment where you realize everything is ok even though you just wet your pants, you're holding a preschooler with a poopy bottom, and you have a toddler in the tub covered in dirty toilet water? What?! You don't know that moment?? You haven't really lived yet, my friend.

My phone vibrates. Brandon just texted me and do I mind if he stops at the store on the way home to buy a bottle of wine?

Yes, Dear. I can think of three great reasons why a bottle of wine sounds perfect tonight.

I can also think of one more important reason why it's not worth it.

Yes, Baby. Please pick up a bottle of wine for you and a big box of chocolate for me. We have a lot to laugh about tonight.

Simple Southern Collard Greens

Sometimes the simplest things are the most difficult to get right--like making collard greens or like taking a decent photo of collard greens. Seriously, I just took 15 photos of my dinner, dragged my table leaf around the house trying to find better lighting, and this was the best I could come up with. iphone photography class here I come. There's another simple problem: Do you capitalize the i in iphone when it's the first word in a sentence?!

I can't tell you how many simple things I looked up when I first started cooking. How do you boil eggs? How do you eat a mango? How do you season collard greens? Almost every traditional recipe I found for collard greens used bacon as the main source of flavor. I love bacon as much as the next girl, but I also love feeling healthy and energetic and that requires not flavoring all my vegetables with bacon. When Google failed me (and since Pinterest was not around yet...can you imagine?!), I went two doors down and asked my neighbor, who was often cooking up some good ol' Southern food. She called her mama and her mama said to put a smoked turkey leg in it. I followed her directions and then started experimenting with some spices and it turned out great! I highly recommend the smoked turkey leg. It adds great flavor. Smoked turkey legs, unfortunately, are not something I always have around so for everyday use I have settled on this simple go-to recipe that has great flavor and uses ingredients that I always have in my pantry. I always keep an eye out at my local Kroger as the bags of washed, chopped greens are on manager's special all the time. Mustard greens are our favorite, but this recipe will work for collard greens or spinach as well. I make it often and every single time the husband goes, "Wow! These greens are really good." Now if only I could get my 18 month old to react the same way to vegetables! ;)

 Southern Collard Greens 

3 cups chicken stock
1 cup water
3 Tbs vinegar (I prefer red wine vinegar or apple cider vinegar)
3/4 tsp garlic powder
3/4 tsp onion powder
3/4 tsp pepper
1/4-1/2 tsp red pepper flakes
16 oz fresh washed and chopped greens (Collard, Spinach, or Mustard)
1 tsp sugar (optional)

Combine all ingredients in a large pot. Bring to a boil, cover, and simmer for 30 minutes.

Easy, right? I've found that sometimes I'll get a batch of greens that tastes unusually bitter. When that happens, I'll toss that extra teaspoon of sugar in to cut the bitter edge off. A little dash of honey or barbecue sauce will work too!

My Baby Had Major Surgery Twice. Here's What I Wish I Had Known The First Time.

The second surgery was exactly 2 years ago today.

It was the most exhausting day of my life so far. I suppose that's why it has taken me two years to finally write about it.

I was almost five months pregnant with our third baby, Joe. Our second son, Caleb, was 19 months old. My husband had been out of town on a business trip the night that Caleb got sick. Caleb acted completely normal during the day so when he started throwing up overnight I assumed that the dreaded stomach bug had hit our house. We didn't sleep at all that night so I was quite relieved when Brandon, my husband, arrived home the next morning. We all cuddled with Caleb and tried to keep him hydrated.  Poor baby was miserable.

He was still rough the next day--Saturday--so we called the nurse hotline. They assured us that a terrible stomach bug was going around and he would probably be feeling better soon. They said to focus on keeping him hydrated  and to bring him to the ER if he went eight hours without a wet diaper. He cried for water and threw it up every time we gave it to him. He had a wet diaper every 6 hours so we decided to give it another day. By the next night he had gone 8 hours without a wet diaper and was looking dehydrated so we headed for the ER. I took him because I thought he would feel the most comfortable being with his mommy. Brandon stayed home with our oldest son. I expected that Caleb would be given a bag of fluids for dehydration and that we would be on our way back home in a couple of hours.

In hindsight, I would have let Brandon take Caleb in. We would have taken him in a day earlier instead of trying to wait it out. We would have gone straight to the Children's Hospital. At the time, I thought that taking him to the ER at the local hospital, where his pediatrician has privileges, would be the best plan.

The ER was packed when we arrived. I was optimistic about it because I thought, "I have a screaming baby who is going to puke all over the place. Surely, they will not keep us waiting too long. " Yet, wait we did. When they checked us in the nurses gave Caleb medicine to quell his vomiting, but it didn't work. He threw up all over himself and all over me. He threw up all over the changes of clothes I had packed for both of us. The receptionist apologetically kept bringing me more hospital gowns to bundle Caleb up with. Everyone in the waiting room stayed as far away from us as possible. It was 1 or 2 am when we finally got a room. His little veins were so tiny and dehydrated that we were passed from nurse to nurse until the head nurse in the pediatric unit finally succeeded in getting an IV in him. He started fluids, but by morning he was still not looking any better. Our pediatrician arrived early Monday morning and broke the news to me...

"Due to his history, I think the best course of action will be to transfer you to the Children's Hospital. I'm afraid he will need surgery again."

I tried to be brave for Caleb, but I'm sure I bawled. Surgery. AGAIN. Caleb was born with an undetected herniated diaghragm. When he nine months old he became very sick and the hernia was discovered. As soon as it was detected we were transported by ambulance to the Children's Hospital where Caleb had an emergency surgery that successfully corrected the problem.

Once again, the familiar transportation ambulance arrived. I had to sit in the front while Caleb rode-- crying for me--in the rear of the vehicle with the medical team. At the Children's Hospital they quickly took xrays and confirmed that Caleb needed surgery. Scar tissue from his first surgery had completely blocked off a section of his intestines. They would perform surgery in just a couple of hours to remove the intestinal blockage.

At this point Brandon had dropped Kai off at his parents house and met me at the Children's Hospital. I let him take over Caleb's care. My mom picked me up  and took me to her house to sleep during the surgery. It seemed terrible to sleep while my baby was in surgery, but at that point I could hardly walk straight from exhaustion and I knew that Caleb would need me most when he woke up from the surgery. I slept. I woke up a little before I received the phone call that surgery was successful. My mom brought me back to the hospital to meet Caleb when they wheeled him out of the operating room. We stayed at the hospital for two weeks in recovery. In some ways, having an emergency surgery AGAIN was difficult because we knew the pain that lie ahead of us. In other ways, it was much easier the second time around because we knew what to expect. There were a couple things that made the second recovery much easier on all of us that I would like to share for any other parent that is forced to experience this.

1) Prioritize Your Own Rest

When Caleb had surgery the first time, Brandon and I were so anxious to be there for him that we neglected our own care. We didn't want to leave his side. We were both there during the surgery. We were both there overnight on the little pull out hospital bed. We both got very tired very quickly. The second time around we knew that the best way to take care of Caleb was to take care of ourselves. I knew that Caleb didn't need me in the waiting room while he was in surgery so I used that time to nap. Brandon and I took turns staying in the hospital room with Caleb overnight the second time. One would stay and the other would go home and get a good night's sleep. This way Caleb constantly had a well rested parent to care for him. Our oldest son stayed with his grandparents while we focused on Caleb and ourselves. Sleeping in a hospital room with a sick infant is nearly impossible. Allow yourself to step away from the bedside long enough to rest. Recovery can take weeks and you will need your strength.

2) Recognize that Doctors Will Give You Optimistic Timelines

When a doctor gives you an estimated date to return home, think of it like a pregnancy due date. A due date is a reasonable guess, but there is a good chance that your baby will arrive past the due date. If the doctor says you might be going home in three days, please know that there is also a good chance that it will be six days. They want to keep your spirits high so they give you optimistic timelines. "We might be able to start solid food again tomorrow." "This tube might come out tomorrow." "He might be ready to wean off this medication tomorrow." Emphasize the might. It might happen tomorrow or it might take a couple more days. Don't get your hopes up too high. Be prepared to wait. It can feel like forever, but remember that you are in the best possible place you could be with a sick child. 

3) Consider Weaning

There was one major difference between Caleb's first surgery and his second surgery. He was breastfed at the time of his first surgery and weaned by the second surgery. After each surgery there was a period of time where he was not allowed to eat or breastfeed. Due to a complication, that period of time after his first surgery was about 10 days. The first couple of days were miserable for us all. Caleb expected me to breastfeed him and could not understand why I wouldn't. Sometimes he would get so upset about it that I had to leave the room and let Brandon care for him. It was also more difficult for me to rest when I had to worry about pumping. It was much easier for me to care for Caleb after his second surgery when he did not connect me to the dinner bell. Both of Caleb's surgeries were unexpected so I did not have time to prepare myself or Caleb, but if your baby's surgery is planned then consider how breastfeeding may effect your child's recovery. Of course, breastmilk is one of the most nutritious things you can feed your baby and may help their recovery. Talk to your doctor about how your child's operation may effect your feeding plans and decide on a plan that will work best for you. If the child undergoing the operation is older and you are breastfeeding a younger sibling, I suggest having the baby prepared to take a bottle so that you can leave her overnight with someone else while you rest and care for your sick child.

 (first post-op snack)

4) Look for Love instead of Answers

It's incredibly difficult to see your baby in pain. The first time Caleb had surgery I got caught up in the "Why's". "God, why did he have to go through that? Why didn't you just heal him? Why pain?" I wrestled with those question for a while and I finally came back around to the conclusion that God loves me incredibly and I must trust Him with childlike faith. My children don't always understand my reasoning, but they trust my love. When I let the surgeon wheel Caleb out of my arms and into the operating room, he didn't know why I let them wheel him away. He couldn't understand what was going on from his baby perspective. You can't talk intestines and stitches to a toddler. Likewise, I probably will never know in this life why Caleb had to suffer that pain. My perspective here is too limited to understand. Yet, I know God's love and I will have to trust in that. He has a reason and I don't have to understand it. While I didn't find answers, I found God's love all around us in the difficult time.

I saw God's love in the way we received exceptional care from an entire team of medical experts. It is a rare privilege to have access to that kind of medical care and I realize that without it I would be grieving a child today instead of celebrating.

I saw God's love in the way our family and friends rallied around us. Our family was there for us every step of the way. Our friends visited often to treat us with balloons, toys, Starbucks, and meals. We even had a complete stranger from our church bring us dinner one night. When Brandon and I started to come down with the flu in the recovery period, a friend stopped by--not once, but twice--to bring us her homemade flu remedy and pray over us. We were supported every step of the way.

I saw God's love in the sweet relief of laughter. Even in the hospital room there were pockets of laughter and joy--like the day Brandon sent out this update: "So for Caleb to get released from the hospital his intestines have to wake back up, meaning they must start performing all of their glorious functions. It's been taking a while so we've been asking everyone to pray. Well today Jessica called me from the hospital to tell me it's starting. I was excited and shared the news with my coworkers in the next room. I then experienced for the first time in my life the joy of a room full of people cheering because someone farted."

(first post-op smile)

I saw God's love in the cross. If everything else had failed us, the cross would be there. If family and friends weren't there, if the doctors hadn't been there, if the worst case scenario had happened, we had the cross to cling to and a resurrection to hope for. We were the lucky ones in that hospital. In just two weeks we left with a healthy baby. Not everyone with us that month went home with their child. When this life gives you a cross to carry, there is a resurrection and a reunion at the end of the road. 

Today we played and celebrated Caleb. We celebrated two years of being all better and said a prayer for those parents who are still waiting to celebrate all better with their child--in this life or the next. 

Festive Pomegranate Salad with Sweet and Tangy Balsamic Vinaigrette

How was your Thanksgiving?? We had two grand celebrations. Brandon's sister and her family hosted Thanksgiving for the first time. She knocked it out of the park with the biggest turkey I've ever seen--perfectly browned, stuffed with beautiful pockets of Rosemary, and overflowing with moist stuffing. I'm afraid we could barely make a dent in the bird after we all filled up on the bbq ribs they grilled up as an appetizer. Joe can put away some ribs! He kept running back and forth from the football game to the kitchen to beg for more ribs. That boy is all man. Your average Joe--give him some meat, potatoes, and football and he's set!  

Friday we picked out a Christmas tree, lit the first fire of the season, and roasted s'mores. Yum yum! Caleb said it was the best day ever. He and Kai say that about a lot of days and they are right every time! 

On Saturday we geared up for Thanksgiving Round 2 with my family. My mom baked up a storm of dishes including her famous Cajun stuffing. Dad carved up the turkey in his infamous hand sewn camo chef hat....

Welcome to the South, my friends.

 My favorite part was that both of my dad's brothers were able to come this year and brought our cousins with them. I love hearing my dad and uncles reminisce about their childhood together-- especially since I have three boys of my own growing up together!

I hope you had a beautiful Thanksgiving enjoying old traditions or starting new ones. Now....onto that salad! Somehow I managed to escape any real cooking this Thanksgiving. I bought premade pies from the grocery store and whipped up this salad.  It looks cheery with the bright pomegranate seeds, tastes delicious, and is really easy to toss together! Hope you enjoy it too! I brought it as a side dish this time, but it's also great as a lunch if you beef it up with some nuts, granola, chicken, or even crumbled bacon!  (Go for the bacon. OMG. So good!)

For the Salad:

20 oz of Salad (give or take)

2 Pears

1 Pomegranate

2 oz Goat Cheese

For the Dressing:

1/3 cup balsamic vinegar

2/3 cup olive oil

1 tsp mustard

1/4 tsp garlic powder

1/4 tsp onion powder

1/4 tsp pepper

1/4 tsp salt 

1 1/2 tsp honey or brown sugar

Prepare the salad by dicing the 2 pears over the salad. Sprinkle with goat cheese and pomegranate seeds. I've found that the easiest way to remove the seeds from the pomegranate is by submerging the fruit underwater in my salad spinner. Cut the fruit in half and then use your hands to peel the seeds away from the flesh. The water keeps red juice from splattering all over your kitchen and also helps you separate the white flesh from the seeds. The seeds sink to the bottom and the white flesh floats on top of the water. Just skim the white bits off the top of the water and then drain the water. I received a couple questions about whether or not the seeds are edible. Yes! They are not only edible, but they are packed with antioxidants. They're great for you and they taste amazing--juicy and crunchy all in one bite!

After preparing the salad, mix all the dressing ingredients in a jar with a lid. Give it a good shake and you're ready to get your healthy (or not so healthy) party on!

Blue or Pink?!?

Today was the big day!!!

It was cold and rainy, but I was walking on sunshine. 

Nana and my niece, Lily, came over to watch the boys while Brandon and I went in for the ultrasound. We were advised to see a perinatologist because we have a history of congenital defects. I had to keep reminding myself not to worry because we have a history of miracles too!

First we got the best news of all--our baby looks 100% healthy!!!!

Then our jaws dropped as we realized we were looking at our very first DAUGHTER!!!

Crazy, right!?!? I am beyond excited!!! There are not enough exclamation points in the world for me today!!!!!!!!!!

I thought we would pick up some pink balloons and wrap them in a box for the kids to open at home. I imagined this adorable photo of pink balloons flying up in the air and all the kids jumping for joy--just like pinterest, right?!

I failed to realize just how strongly Kai had his little heart set on having another baby brother. All of the pink balloon pictures include Kai having a fit on the floor! lol! I'm so happy Lily was there to be excited with me!! Have you ever had a scene worked out just-so in your mind only to have it turn out completely different?? 

Don't worry, Baby Girl, he'll be in love with you soon enough! I can't wait to have you in my arms and all settled into your pink nursery!!! 

Bruh, Do You Even Lift?

Or nah?

Cuz, Bae--just being real wit you-- my game has not been on fleek these days.

Ok, I'll stop, but have you read this? Too funny.

Anyways, I've been feeling burnt out this week. Now that I'm feeling better I've been slowly trying to catch up on house cleaning and my social life. I even started cooking last week!

It was fun, but then I burnt out. It's all more than I can keep up with. I had a revelation about it this morning. Actually, I inspired myself when I revisited this old post of mine. I hope you guys didn't think I blog for you. I blog because I'm forgetful and I have to remind myself!!

I burnt out because I started backwards.

Doh.

When I felt better I started picking everything back up but my time with God. I told you in my last post that I had been depressed and had trouble picking up my Bible. Well, today I picked it back up.

I let the laundry sit unfolded on the couch. I let emails and texts wait a minute. I let the children run around wild (as usual). I sat down and spent half an hour praying through my Bible.

I took a minute to lift my soul to God before I lifted my hands to work.

You see, that hunger for God that comes naturally in difficult times must be maintained by discipline in the good times. Trials reveal how weak we really are and how desperately we need Jesus. Once the good times return, I'm quick to bury my need underneath a cover of productivity and business. I don't want to stay exposed and vulnerable, but I must if I want to be changed. I must if I want to see God and become more like Him.

Today, I started over. I don't need a clean house or a full plate, but I need God.

I wasn't sure where to start, but I ended up in Psalm 119 and, of course, it spoke right to my soul. It was all about having a hunger for God's word. It was about seeking God's face in the night and the day. It was about God using a time of affliction to teach a man to seek Him.

If you've been neglecting your soul too, will you start over with me today?

or nah? ;)


"How can a young person stay on the path of purity? 
By living according to Your word. I seek You with all my heart (9-10a). 

Turn my heart toward Your statutes and not toward selfish gain. Turn my eyes away from worthless things (36 and 37a).  

The earth is filled with Your love, Lord (64a). 

You are good and what You do is good (68a).

 It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn Your decrees (71). I know, Lord, that Your laws are righteous, and that in faithfulness You have afflicted me. May Your unfailing love be my comfort, according to Your promise to Your servant. (75-76)

 The unfolding of Your words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple (130). I rise before dawn and cry for help...My eyes stay open through the watches of the night, that I may meditate on Your promises 147-148) 

I have strayed like a lost sheep. Seek Your servant, for I have not forgotten Your commands (175). " Psalm 119 NIV